April 18 and 19, 2009
This has been one of the most difficult weekends yet. Since our outing on Thursday Shelby has been in decline. Her right hand has lost most of its control. She can't sign any more. She cries 40-50 times a day. She is very tight all over. Her left hand is still swollen and in immense pain. Most of what she is experiencing could be caused by Trazodone withdrawal and I pray that this is what is happening. If that is the case it is just a matter of time until she returns to making progress. If she is anything tomorrow like she was today she simply will not be able to do most, if not all of her therapy sessions. I'm not going to lie, my ire is rising with just about every white coat I run into. None of them know a thing and they all seem as incompetent as the last one to talk to her. They have mishandled the situation with the left hand to the point I want to strangle them. When it first started experiencing pain they said they would monitor it. As it got worse and we explained this to them they seemed to still want to wait. They have adjusted her meds just about daily. Every single doctor on this floor seems to be on a different page as far as what to do with her and how to proceed. If it turns out that coming off the trazodone fixes some of the problems she is experiencing I'm going to be very happy and very upset. Sue and I were the only ones that put it together that her decline has followed rather closely with the administration of that drug. I'm sure you can all tell from the tone of this entry that I am rather upset. I feel helpless and Shelby doesn't deserve this. I love her therapists. Love them. The nursing staff has been incredible. They have all been nothing but amazing for her. I have less than glowing reviews for her doctors however. Sue and I are contemplating looking into other rehab facilities. Possibly ones that are more geared toward her type of brain damage. I don't really know what to do or think at this point. I have hit a wall, emotionally, as far as what I can take. I'm really afraid the next doctor to say the wrong thing to me is going to be in imminent danger. I'm sorry I don't have better news for everyone. I know you have all been praying hard and hoping that she starts doing better. Unfortunately I just can't say that she is right now. I am going to start tapering off on this blog. I will continue to update with news, but on days like this where there really isn't anything positive to say I'm just going to leave it. Don't worry if it goes a few days without updates. I will continue to report news good or bad. I just can't keep doing it nightly. Any time there is a new accomplishment or something specific that needs praying for you guys will all hear about it. Don't worry about that one bit, but in this marathon that will be her recovery, I need to focus on Shelby first and then myself and as you can tell from this entry, I am starting to fall apart. I know the Lord has plans for Shelby and that he will heal her. It is just so difficult to hope and look forward to the future when the present is so miserable. Until the next update pray that she gets back on track. Pray that it was the trazodone that has caused these problems and that discontinuation of it will right the ship. Pray that she starts speaking. Pray for me too. I am so alone without her that I am surprised I have made it this far without utterly shattering. You guys have all helped with that immensely and I cannot thank you all enough.
we love you. thank you for your honesty. take ALL the time you need. we will continue to lift you all before Him.
for all the Tarbells.
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Praying for you Matt! Much love to you and to Shelby!
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Matt. Thank you so much for the updates. I look for it every night. It's very understandable that it is all getting too much. Thank you for your care of Shelby. I pray for you and for Shelby. Take good care of yourself.
Henny
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Matt, God bless you. You have been so wonderful through this. No one blames you one bit for being angry and upset. You are right, your focus needs to be on both yourself and Shelby. Please give her a hug and kiss from her cousin, and know that both of you are always in my heart and prayers. I love you both so much.
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I wish I could say that I understand what you're going through, and that it would be enough to make you guys feel better, but I can't. I know that Jared and I are continuously praying for you both and that He will come through for you two. Work hard on making her feel better and work hard on making yourself feel better. You have been a hero throughout this whole thing. We love you guys and stay strong!
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Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lam. 3:22-23
He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. Colossians 1:17
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Isaiah 40:29
He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. Ephesians 3:20
But I call to God, and the Lord saves me. Evening, morning, and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice. Psalm 55:16-17
Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Psalm 68:19
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me (a thorn in Paul's flesh). But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why for Christ's sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. II Cor. 12:7-10
But God keeps his promise, and he will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test, he will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out. I Cor. 10:10-13
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. II Cor. 1:3-5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
My times are in your hands. Psalm 31:15
God, fill Shelby and Matt with your love, spirit and power. Let it over shadow the pain, fear and discouragement for them. Thank you for hearing their cries and comforting them. Thank you for never letting go.
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Amen and Amen.
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Matt and Shelby,
I just found out about six minutes ago. I don't know what to say other than I will also being praying for you both. Matt, I can't imagine... I will be praying for you both. Matt I know that you have a bunch of people but if you need anything Let me know. Email atrevino11103@sbcglobal.net. Shelby, Someday soon I will tell you why you are the biggest hero of my first 18 years. I love you both.
Antonio and family
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Oh my! We just returned from a 3,000+ road trip and I am so sorry to hear about the problems you have had to face with Shelby and the "white coats". I know there is an answer, but we will just have to pray that it is shown to you and the doctors. You have been mighty strong through all of these ordeals. I am thinking of you and Shelby. Please tell Sue I say hello and am holding her close in prayers, too. Linda
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WOW Mat you are so inspiring.You are so good for Shelby.My prayers go to you frist because she needs you.Then to Sue and Jay then for Shelby.The Lord will see all of you through this.He has answered so many prayers for me for my brother who had a massive stroke in 2001.He is not supose to be here,let alone taking care of his own toilet needs.Just keep loving her and praying.The Lord will be there.God bless you Mat,you are an amazing man.I am the wife of Sues cousin Bob.My name is Peggie.Love to all.
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Matt, This is the Bible study that was e-mail to me this morning. I thought of you as I read it. We continue to pray for you both. We pray that He will soon calm your storm! God hears our prayers!
The God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:9
I laugh every time I hear the radio commercial that has a woman shouting to her friend in conversation. She's trying to talk above the sounds of the thunderstorm in her own head. Ever since a storm damaged part of her home, that's all she hears because her insurance company isn't taking care of her claims.
I've heard thunderstorms in my head, and maybe you have too. It happens when a tragedy occurs to us, to someone close to us, or to someone we hear about in the news. Our minds become a tempest of 'what if' questions. We focus on all the possible bad outcomes. Our fear, worry, and trust in God fluctuate as we wait, we pray, we grieve, and we wonder what the Lord will do.
It's natural for us to be fearful in a storm (literal or figurative). The disciples had Jesus right there in the boat with them, yet they were afraid (Matt. 8:23-27). He used the calming of the storm as a lesson to show them who He was, a powerful God who also cares for them.
We wish that Jesus would always calm the storms of our life as He calmed the storm for the disciples that day. But we can find moments of peace when we're anchored to the truth that He's in the boat with us and He cares. -Anne Cetas
Fierce drives the storm, but wind and waves
Within His hand are held,
And trusting His omnipotence
My fears are sweetly quelled. -Brown
To realize the worth of the anchor, we need to feel the stress of the storm.
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Just want you guys to know we are thinking of you daily in our prayers.
Love you all,
De & Anth
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